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Or you might simply choose scenarios from the get-go which bring you lower levels of love and bliss. You must one hundred percent accept that you do a lot of the goofier things you do because of negative childhood brainwashing. Then, and only then, can you clearly see new paths to getting the life you desire and deserve.

Three Tips To Avoid Sneaky Self-Sabotaging Behaviors

Yes, your troublemaking subconscious has gotten you into some painful relationships and challenging situations. But enough already! It does.

What Is Self-Sabotage & How To Know If You're Doing It

Do you self sabotage happiness in love? If so, Find examples of consistently happy, loving couples. Do you self sabotage happiness in your career? Spend time with successful people. Over time, you will begin to view highly positive situations as examples for your new normal. The more you witness positive examples of love, success and joy, the more opportunity you will have to change your belief system about life. Afterwards, we both went our separate business paths.

Who knows what kind of a company we could have built.

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Now I got a new cool job that I really enjoyed and my career was taking off. There was only one thing that bothered me a lot. For months and months, it bothered me and I did nothing. I was only doing self-torture, asking myself what if I hear no as a response to my pay raise request. After a few months, I got a new better offer at a different job.

Because I was valuable to the firm, the manager immediately offered to pay me more if I stayed. I complained that I was unsatisfied with the payment anyway and that I was determined to leave. Afterwards, on my last day, we had a very honest talk and what he said to me shocked me quite a lot. He was waiting for me to ask and negotiate a little bit, and it was a big surprise that I never did, especially considering how ambitious I was in general. Well, remember my complex relationship with my money. It was a big internal conflict.

I felt I deserved a higher payment and not at the same time. Rather than doing something, I was focusing on my internal conflict and self-torture. Complete self-sabotage. I was in a serious relationship for 11 years and the relationship came to an end. I was very angry, sad and completely disappointed in life. I tried many things to ease the pain also a lot of stupid things.

I started going to the gym as one of the positive ones and I liked it a lot. I was training more and more, the first muscles started to appear and I trained even more. There was only one big problem. I started to exaggerate a lot. Pre-workout drinks, creatine and other supplements, spending hours and hours in the gym until my body was shaking like crazy. When everything in the body broke down, because of me overdoing it, I decided to do a little bit more.

In reality, it was nothing but self-sabotage, and so the day came when I hurt myself. By having no strong foundations , doing exercises wrong and exaggerating with workouts over all common sense, failure was inevitable. These are only a few selected stories of how I sabotaged myself. There are many others and you may not believe, a few of them are quite more shocking than the ones above.

There are many opportunities for performing self-sabotage and putting yourself in the victim position. To name only a few:. No matter how healthy of a person you are, there is definitely at least one area of life where you shine at sabotaging self. Self-sabotage can be done in many ways.

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Last but not least, below are different feelings, beliefs and convictions behind every self-sabotage. This is where lies the real cause that you have to tackle if you want to stop doing such nonsense. I still self-sabotage myself from time to time. But I do it a lot less than I did it in my past. And now I know better when and why I am doing it, and how to deal with it.

Sometimes you can deal with it alone, other times professional help is the only way. I vomited before going on stage again. I thought the world would end before approaching a girl. My hands were shaking like there was an earthquake when it was time to stand up for myself. I thought I would eat myself alive when it was time to issue a fair amount on an invoice.

But before we look at different techniques of how to deal with self-sabotage, I have to emphasize the important fact that all the techniques have one common denominator. Understanding it, fixing your feeling of self-worth it comes out of self, obviously and becoming a healthy assertive person.


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An assertive person please read the bullet points below a hundred times or even more if necessary :. When you act in an assertive way, you act out of strength, with the right mindset and awareness that you are as valuable as any other person on this planet. But a lack of assertiveness usually leads to one of two extremes: greed and aggression or symbolic self-castration. By far the best way to overcome self-sabotage is to gather every single drop of courage you possess, gather all the willpower to surpass negative emotions and do what an emotionally healthy person would do.

It doesn't always work, but many times it does. The first one is that there is a thin line between being courageous and being stupid. Self-sabotage always means doing something stupid. Instead ask yourself: what is the optimal thinking in that kind of a situation, what is the best move you can make to get the best possible outcome out of the situation and what would an emotionally healthy person without irrational fears do.

Find the best situation and then act. The second important thing is to start small. First ask an unknown person for the time. Then ask for directions. Then find a few friends of the opposite gender and get comfortable around them. Then ask for a number and be ready for a rejection; or ten of them until you hear a yes. And the most important thing: reward yourself. For every small step you make, really reward yourself, especially by mentally focusing on the positive.

Be proud of yourself, celebrate, see it as an early win, see the progress you are making. Focus on the positive. Many times, identifying the cause helps a lot to disarm negative emotions that fuel self-sabotage. When you understand why something is happening, it might help you to deal with it more easily.

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Self-Sabotage | Psychology Today

In order to do that, it takes some painful examination of your past. As a child, you have to see your parents as perfect and many people still do that as adults. But the fact is that no parent is perfect and toxic errors in upbringing are usually the reason for self-sabotage later in life.